Ugh

Well I binged again last night. I don't know why. I was doing fine. I did have the urge all week but I kept myself busy yesterday and was with a friend until midnight so I thought I would just get home and go to bed but I went straight for the cabinets. It was only a two hour binge which is nothing compared to my all-day binges but it's definitely did not help with the whole feeling fat thing. I have a lot to do today and I wanted to feel good but all I can think about is what I ate. I just hope I threw it all up and ran off any calories that were left this morning. I saw lettuce from my dinner in the toilet after so hopefully all that food I ate is gone. I'm sitting in my therapists office now waiting for my appointment which this morning I was really dreading but I know I'll feel better after. Later I have an interview at lifetime fitness for a job so I really have to feel confident and good. I don't want to eat today but I know that I have to and I will. I'm still contemplating working out again...even though I ran ten miles this morning. Oh god I'm nuts.