I. Can't. Stop. Binging. It's like some fat girl took over my body and all I can think about is food. It's ruining my summer. I really need this to stop. I even ruined mother's day for my mom. I was in bed ll day waiting for people to leave the kitchen so I could eat. It made her so upset. She was slamming doors and throwing stuff. That's just not my mom. I told her to just send me away out of rage but now that I think about it, it could be best for everyone. I mean she wouldn't have to be stressed out and watching me all the time and I...well, I'd be miserable, but who cares. It really would be best for my family. My sister wouldn't have to watch her sad older sister sneaking to the kitchen then to the bathroom, eating all of her chewy bars, and spending days in bed watching friends. Yea, they should send me away. I know my mom won't because if she can;t fix me, no one can...or at least that's what she thinks. I know it offends her so much that I still have this problem and no matter what she does it won't go away. What she doesn't know is that it's actually my fault. I'm not trying hard enough. I need to be stronger. How hard is it to just stop eating and start eating normally?
This is not how a college girl should be spending her summer...I have good things happening to me. I got a virtual writing internship for the summer and an internship at Rutgers in the fall. I don't know why I can't just embrace these things and try to get better. Go celebrate like a normal 20 year-old.
I feel fat and I need to get skinnier but I know this binging problem won't go away until I stop restricting myself. I just feel like I HAVE to compensate.
My ex is home now and he old me he lost 14 pounds...not what a bulimic wants to hear. And yes, he knows. I feel like I can't go out in public until I'm skinnier. I know I'm not actually fat but I know I gained weight and I just don't want people seeing me like this.
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