home alone...not good

It's finally the weekend and I'm home alone. I have the biggest urge to binge but I really don't want to ruin these past two weeks or waste a whole day because I know once I start, I'll never stop. And I have an interview tomorrow for a camp counselor job over the summer so I need to be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and not hate myself tomorrow. I'm trying to convince myself that I really don't want the food. I just don't know why I have this feeling. I know that once I eat to the point where I wanna kill myself I won't even enjoy the food. Just the fact that my parents aren't home...I just want to take advantage of it. All i want to do is sit on the couch and eat all day. I just dropped Taylor off at home and we made plans to meet at the mall later so I really have to be good today. I just can;t stop thinking about it. Right now I'm eating my usual pb on toast with fruit breakfast and I almost just said fuck it and binged on cereal. I;m glad I didn't but I don't know if I can control it all day. I know it won;t be just the cereal because when the cereal runs out and I purge it up, I'll want more food. I hid the oreos downstairs so I wouldn't be tempted by those. Those are probably the worst food we have in the house. I just went to the supermarket and stalked up on so much healthy food...why do I still want to binge? fuck.